Thursday, April 15, 2010

Asking Questions vs. Forming Judgments

I’m feeling a bit needy today and wanting comments and connection.

But, also trying to keep in mind the valuable lessons in The Four Agreements, which I recently read. So, I’m concentrating on not taking it personally when people don’t respond, comment, or reply to emails/phone calls/etc.

The behavior of others has nothing to do with me, after all, and everything to do with that individual.

I really didn’t believe that when I first read it, but after careful consideration, I agree.

I’m also learning to ask more questions to gain better understanding, instead of making assumptions which usually leads me down a road I’d rather not traverse.

Case in point: Someone asked me if I still had a necklace that matched a pair of earrings I have listed on Etsy. The earrings are quite simple, but the necklace that matched them was—while a nice design, it may be considered “too much” by some because it’s a more intricate piece than some folks like.

I replied with pictures of the necklace that had sold. I asked if she was interested in having me make something for her that would match the earrings.

After seeing the picture, she replied with a no thanks.

Here’s where the road diverges.

In the past, I would have read something into that.

She didn’t like the necklace.
She thought it was ugly.
She thought it was too busy.

Etc.

Instead, I did something different.

I asked her a follow-up question.

I asked her if she would tell me what she likes. Not because I wanted to sell her a necklace, but because I’m re-evaluating my inventory and what I offer to my customers, and I’m genuinely curious.

Which is absolutely true. I always wonder what people think, what people want to buy, what people like and want to wear. Those questions are in my mind anytime I design a piece.

See how easy that was?

Instead of making an assumption, or a judgment that almost always leads me down a road of negativity, asking her those questions also allowed my train of thought to get away from the “not good enough” fears.

Instead, I got to nurture my positive, optimistic, inquisitive side.

I could get used to this!

5 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing. I find myself doing the same thing finding the negative and assuming that something is, when it actually is not!! I probably need to get the book and expand upon my knowledge. Knowledge that can allow me to nurture the positive, optimistic, inquisitive side of ME!!

    Thank you again for sharing!!

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  2. Thanks Sarah! This is something I've been working on for a while, and that book REALLY helped me push through to some new ground. It's by Don Miguel Ruiz. Very fast and easy read, although I found myself reading certain passages over and over, because the message was so important.

    I just re-read this post: http://bit.ly/ceCroY and realized... I really HAVE grown a lot in the past 30 days!

    You have a sweet and gentle soul and I a glad to know you. ;-)

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  3. Very insightful. Makes me rethink a couple of things that happened this week.

    :)

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  4. That's fantastic. I too know how easy it is to turn toward the negative option, when really that's usually the ridiculous and self-absorbed way to be thinking. Good for you!

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  5. First of all, I'm 400+ entries behind on my google reader, which puts me about 7 entries behind on your blog, so if you get a lot of comments from me today, that's why

    Secondly, did the customer answer your question?

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