Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Change: The Only Constant

It’s chilly nights like this when I remember so vividly my nightly walks from the Boston Commons area down to South Station, in the financial district of downtown Boston. The wind was fierce, coming off the harbor, and the skyscrapers formed walls on the streets that made each step like attempting to walk in a wind tunnel.

I bundled my dad’s Navy pea coat up as high as it would button, wrapped my scarf around my neck as many times as I could. And my fleece hat, while warm, never could handle the cutting chill of the wind.

I always smiled, though. I loved living there. I adjusted to the terrifically cold winters and the super-humanly humid summers.

And, whenever possible, I escaped to Maine.

I’m feeling a little all over the place tonight… a little nostalgic (see above... *ahem*), a little confident, a little sassy, as I dance around my living room to the newest Florence + The Machine album (please, just get it... it's so worth it!), and I am happily alone on this cold night, although I can think of few other greater pleasures than sharing warm covers with a lover.

This is the relaxed and happy me.
Tonight, I think I could write a whole novel, or at least my entire memoir, in just a matter of hours. Tonight, I think I could read the rest of the book I just started, or I could fill up the paper journal I’m barely a third of the way into.

So many thoughts twirling and swirling around in my mind, so many thoughts escaping through my pores, never to be thought again.

I’ve recently stepped through a significant amount of change in my life, and I smile as I reflect on those changes tonight.

One of the most recent changes?

Leaving my job.

A tiny little part of me (and probably a bigger part of you) thinks I must be crazy, to take a leap like that without having a "secure" and "certain" net to jump into.

All the thousands of people out of work, and I had a great job that I actually chose to leave. Crazy, right?

Believe me. That thought, and many more, scrolled through my head before I made my decision.

The reality is, there's no such thing as "job security" anymore. I'd been thinking about it for a long time, and now was as good a time as any to make the jump.

I’m working on what my business will be. I’m working on what I’m going after and what my aim will be. Don’t worry—you’ll be the first to know, once I get the plans all laid out.

In the mean time… I've been catching up on what feels like two and a half years of sleep deprivation. I am remarkably relaxed, and I'm doing fairly well with letting go of control, taking one day at a time, and I'm actually getting pretty good at living in the present. 

Instead of [indulging my old habits of] facing the potentially daunting near future of finding gainful employment with fear, anxiety, procrastination and reluctance, I am practicing positive thinking and positive action. I am working through books that are helping me create my vision for my business, and eventually a business plan and concrete steps to take to turn those plans into action.

For the first time in my entire life, I feel like I'm finally working towards the career I've spent the entirety of my working years aiming towards.

And in some ways, I feel more grown up right now than I have ever been.

I hope to post some writing soon. I hope to feel like doing some more public writing. I do have a lot to say… a lot to tell.

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