"'All there is to thinking,' he said, 'is seeing something noticeable which makes you see something you weren't noticing which makes you see something that isn't even visible.'" – A River Runs Through It by Norman Maclean
Sometimes, I’m guilty of thinking too much.
I’ve been sitting here for the past five days, unable to do much of anything (except sleeping—I’ve been a champ at that) without feeling dizzy, light-headed, feverish, clammy, and basically… like crap.
I’ve had a double ear infection, and possibly also the start of a sinus infection. And apparently the doctor didn’t bother to look at my history to see that I usually have to have stronger antibiotics from the get-go, because my body resists weaker ones like nobody’s business.
So I finally called yesterday and requested a stronger one, since I wasn’t better after starting the meds on Thursday. They called one in for me this morning, and now hopefully I’ll be on my way to better.
And in the mean time, I’ve tried working on work stuff (I'm so very behind), blog posts (it's embarrassing how many "in progress" blog posts I have going), Writing for Growth stuff (we're starting this Wednesday, the 17th, and the first class is **free** by the way!), as well as all the usual day-to-day living stuff, like laundry, cleaning, and cooking.
My body has been trying to hit the Reset button, and yet, I’ve been fighting it.
(I know, I know… how’s that working for me?)
What I’ve realized is that it’s more than frustration over being sick. It’s general malaise and frustration over where I am in a few areas of my life.
Spending too much time alone and having entirely too much time on my hands where I am unable to carry on about my life tends to send me into a funk. Because my mind starts going too fast… my gears turn too fast… I think way too much and then, all I can think of are all the places where I come up short.
It’s so easy to do, isn’t it? It’s so easy to get mired in all the areas where we come up short—but as compared to what? Or who? Compared to peers, friends, co-workers? Compared to family, neighbors, or even strangers?
Who exactly am I comparing myself to when I get into this negative head game?
The answer, for me…
See, I have these invisible standards in my head, and the standards basically equal perfection. And I have worked really hard to let go of my need for perfection in all areas of my life… and I have been doing exceptionally well with that—even when faced against some pretty significant obstacles.
But when I am forced to slow down because my body needs time to heal—to reset—my brain just can’t stand it, and it has to go and cause trouble in my heart.
So… on a day like today, when I’m finally starting to feel better, and I’m realizing the pattern I’ve been rolling around and “wallering” in over the last couple of days, and just as I get seated in today’s solid round of beating myself up…
|My very own Prince Charming, complete with rhinestone sparkles!|
I get a package like this in the mail.
And the note accompanying it reads:
Here is a frog for you to kiss.
This one doesn’t talk back.
(In reference to this post)
Sometimes, all you need to hit the “Reset” button on your day—and even your whole attitude, really—is a good laugh.
Thank you, D, for giving me that good laugh today…