Monday, July 25, 2011

Adventures in Online Dating - Part 1

How about a little levity in the midst of all of my soul-wrenching stuff? Yeah? Okay.

Let’s talk about this online dating thing.

It’s been interesting so far, that’s for sure.

I’ve met some really interesting people. I’ve met some quasi-crazy people, I’ve met some people who are outside of my comfort zone, and I’ve met some people who seem to have no interest in actually meeting face to face.

I guess emailing back and forth through a website is pretty safe, isn’t it?

But I’ve noticed a few trends, and I thought you might find some amusement if I shared.

The one-line messages
I have gotten the same exact message from the same guy three times: “you are BREATHTAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
What that tells me is that not only did he not bother to read my profile, but that he actually doesn’t really care what I have to say. I am nothing if not prolific on my profile. If you can’t find at least one thing to talk about in your message to me, then why should I bother to respond to your message?

The second part of one-line messages is the guy who sends a message that says something along the lines of:
Interested in casual sex? (I have no words for this…)
Want to come tuck me in? (Um, no. I’m not your mother and if you’re old enough to type that, then you’re old enough to tuck in your damn self.)
Hi there, pretty girl
Hello there beautiful
Hi, how are you?
Hi ;-)
Etc… you get the point … These messages that you’re sending me have zero imagination. Zero. It shows me you aren’t really confident in what you have to offer, and I make no apologies for wanting someone who is stable and who likes himself.

Basically, these one-liner messages get the same response from me.


The chronic profile visitor
This is someone who visits my profile at least once a day—maybe even more often than that. And yet, I get no message from this person. I assume it’s just to troll my photos, but I don’t want to put too much more thought into it, because that does squick me out a bit.

Repetition of profile jargon is… repetitive
A lot of men say these things in their profile:
No drama!
You should love to laugh!
No games!
What woman is going to openly admit to being a drama moth? Most women I know who actually thrive on drama will vehemently deny it. Maybe that’s how a guy actually knows she’s into drama? The second part of that is… if you really have to claim so fervently that you don’t want drama, that’s a red flag to me, indicating that you’ve got a lot of drama in your life, already.

And personally, I really hate to laugh, but I don’t know about other women.

But seriously… I don’t understand this. Why would you even say in your profile that you want someone who loves to laugh? Is there really anyone on this planet who doesn’t enjoy laughing? Maybe what these guys really mean is that they don’t want a stick in the mud, or an uptight Type A personality?

And the best of all… the no games request.


I’m not buying it. What I am finding is that men play games just as much as women do. And while I, like any normal and decent human, do not enjoy engaging in games when it comes to dating… isn’t that what dating really is? An elaborate, dance-like game?

What of the guy who looks you in the eyes and says, “I’d really like to see you again,” and then disappears off the face of the earth?

What of the guy who promises a second date but then goes silent a couple of days before you’re supposed to go out?

What of the guy who never responds to your follow-up to his very enthusiastic email?

Are these not games?

Dating would be a lot easier if we were all just a little bit more honest. But I think the reality is, our egos just can’t handle it. Our egos need to be stroked, we need validation, we need to know that someone else thinks we’re attractive, awesome, and dateable.

And rejection comes in many forms… and often—so I’m finding, it’s in the form of a game.

And since I’m not much of a game player, it turns out that I’m not actually getting many dates.

I’m actually okay with that. I want to draw people to me who have inner light, people who aren’t afraid to share themselves, people who are open and willing to be known, and willing to know me.

And if that means I will kiss lots of frogs in the meantime… I think it means I’ll get really good at spotting the frogs in the first place…

No comments:

Post a Comment