Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Touched By The Divine

“I’m being erased
by Your love,
by Your love,
till nothing remains…”
 - Shanti Webb

Last night, I had a really hard work-out that started with a deeply disturbing sense of emptiness. I hadn’t felt that empty in a very long time.

The good part of that is… I actually didn’t see the emptiness as a bad thing. I saw it as a new beginning. And, over the last year, I have learned how to fill myself up.

And tonight—I am again filled with the Divine.

I got several valuable reminders during Movement Montage tonight.

I am not alone. I am within a rich community of family, friends, mentors, teachers, dancers, artists, cheerleaders, and those who constantly challenge me.

This community—sometimes even unknown to them—urges me on when I most need it.

Even though I’ve been sad and emotional over the last several days, I haven’t given up on living my life.  In fact, I’ve actually done a better job of taking care of myself over the last several days than I had over the last several weeks.

I got up and got to work early, made sure to get enough sleep, I’ve been keeping up with eating well and exercising, and with yoga practice. I’ve started going to regular yoga classes, and I’m upping the ante on my exercise, including adding weights.

I feel sad when I need to feel sad, and I release it in private moments (and then, apparently, talk about it here).

In all the emotional turmoil I’ve felt over the past week, I have remained open. I have remained vulnerable. And I have remained willing.

And although I have been afraid—of sinking into depression, of the sadness taking over, of letting a piece of me fade away…

I allowed the fear to be there, and I pushed through it anyway. Just like the sassy little girl inside of me said would happen…

And tonight, I got a sweet release. I felt my own hand cupping my cheek, jaw, and neck, and yet, in that moment, my hand felt like the hand of God. He told me, again, that I’m not alone. That I have Him, always. That He is in my heart, and I am in His.

And then I danced, with the community of dancers who were present tonight—in that room and everywhere around the world… and I danced with God, and I danced with my sassy little girl inside, and I danced with me.

And then I felt called to go sit and just be with God for a while, so that I could just be still, and be in that moment with Him.

The song that was playing in the background was ethereal and divine… and the last lines were absolutely profound to me, in that moment—and now:
“I’m being erased
by Your love,
by Your love,
till nothing remains…”

God is erasing all of my judgments, all of my ego, all of the negative, awful thoughts I have ever dared to utter about myself. He’s taking it all away, step by step.

And in its place?


“You're my light in the dark
guiding, guiding me home
and Your faith in me is all I need
Your love, it sets me free”
 - Mmm… (by Laura Izibor) 

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